Pop Vinyls

I'm really really sorry about the long absence. God, how long has it been? I dunno.

Everything's been super hectic lately. I started university!!!!!! I again changed my mind and decided to do teaching. So, I'm studying a Bachelor of Education for Secondary Schooling at Edith Cowan University, majoring in English and minoring in Social Studies (like geography, politics, history and economics). I'm super excited about it, and I'm having so much fun at university - it's a lot more laid back than high school was, and I'm only there on Mondays and Tuesdays this semester. I have a whole day - 8:30am to 4:30pm - on Mondays!!! It kills, because I'm a teenager and my sleep patterns tend more towards staying up late and waking up late than the opposite. I'm usually about to fall asleep by the time I get into my Discovering Literature lecture.

I have friends too! Wow, the fact that it sounds as though it's surprising is rather sad. I mean, someone I knew from high school is going to the same uni as me, doing the same major and minor courses, and taking all the same classes as me this year! I was so excited, I thought I'd be alone. But I also gained three new friends, people from other schools (and other parts of the state). So I'm happy with that.

I've submitted all my assignments so far super early - I'm usually a procastinator, but I have a thing for excessive Word document formatting and uni requires HEAPS, it's unbelievable. I'm Monica with a formatting fetish instead of a cleaning one. And I've already done an in-class assessment and got High Distinction for it! I'm really happy with myself. And for the first time I feel completely independent of my family, which is another big thing for me - in high school parents are really involved, but uni is all individual and I have to deal with everything myself. It's great.

So, my depression got a little worse during the first few months of this year. I guess it was because of inaction - I legit had nothing to do, because the unemployment rates in my area are unbelievable right now. I've been applying for about a year now, but its all been in the city, because there's just nothing. Nothing. I almost got a job in a bookstore I LOVE, but my uni hours interfered. That's another spanner in the works. I don't know if I'm ever going to get a job - the sad thing is I'm serious. But I've posted about 12 different application letters to random businesses in the area and in the city, I'm so desperate, and there's an opening in a local electronics store for people like me, so I hope that comes through. It's right next to a stationery store, and across the road from the games shop, so I'm game.

Anyway, I'm watching Game of Thrones. I just decided, you know, I'm not going to ask permission because I'm an adult now and I have to start making my own decisions. If you knew me you'd know me doing something like watching an R-rated TV show without permission was formerly a big deal for me. But I guess I don't need permission or validation anymore, I'm doing pretty great. I'm up to season 4 almost. Just one more episode of season 3. And I can confidently say I both hate and love George R R Martin. I won't say anything in case you haven't seen it, but yeah.

With that in mind, I've recently cultivated an obsession with Pop Vinyls by the brand Funko. You've probably heard of them. I always thought they were so cute, but shied away from getting some because you know, they're toys, and I'm an adult and yeah. But I got a couple Harry Potter ones for my birthday last year (Harry and Hermione, my friends know me so well) and I basically started collecting. I'll probably post photos of them when I can be bothered.

But I've wanted a particular one for a long time - Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones. I always loved her character, even watching her storyline on Youtube back when I wasn't actually allowed to see the series. I know a lot of people find her annoying - let's be real, she kinda is - but the entire series is about subverting tropes, and the whole noble, infallible ruler thing is totally negated by a few character defects amongst a sea of potential great. She's kick-ass and gorgeous and slighty crazy, and that works for me.

So I got a Pop Funko of Dany. I really don't like Khaleesi Dany or Wedding Dress Dany (the eyebrows are really awkward and apparently the paint job's shit), so I got the Mhysa Dany. She's beautiful, and so so cute!

Game of Thrones FUNKO Pop! - Daenerys Targaryen (Mhysa).

Yes, I did a mini photoshoot. I took like, three pictures and this one was it. I don't have a desert-y backyard (well, I did once; there was a shit-ton of orange sand out the back which would've been good), so this had to do. But I think it worked nicely, really, and it's probably the only good backdrop-worthy spot in my yard.

So, hopefully I will be updating more often now. Between uni and job searching, I really don't have anything to do, so...

Thanks for reading!

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

There really aren't any words I can use to fully describe my love for this novel. Nothing I have read since I first took the plunge measures up - in the few months that have passed since I last read it I cannot put it out of my mind. I once said it was one of my absolute favourite novels - I honestly believe I was under-selling it, because I can now state after a time of reflection that no book has, or likely will, measure up in my eyes.

I'm not generally one of those people who rereads books over and over. Even if I love a book I'll probably still never touch it again (shockingly, I've even found difficulty rereading Harry Potter, probably my favourite series - I maybe got halfway through the series the second time before I gave up). All the books in the world, not enough time to get through them, sort of thing. Throughout most of my adolescence I've been on a mission to make my way through as many of these as possible - all types of fictional genres; something about being well-versed. That is, until I got to Jane Eyre in my last year of high school.

Jane Eyre is a small, pale, plain girl with neither talent nor wealth to make up for these flaws. Even this self-prescribed label draws me to her - simply because there are times I have felt (and I'm sure women and girls the world over have felt) that I too fit this description. What she proves to us all though, is that one doesn't need beauty or wealth to make something of ourselves. We don't need to discard our principles to adhere to others. Throughout the novel, she noticeably changes before our eyes; the small, abused and bitter girl becomes a young woman at peace with and with faith in her own morals, as she wrenches back control of her own life from her oppressors. For indeed that is what I find at the core of her - she goes through this journey, these experiences that subjugate her, and comes out freed of all who had shackled her spirit. She at once demonstrates strength and vulnerability, bravery and weakness, and this not only makes her a flawed being, but a real one.

I place all the focus on Jane because that is what the story is all about. Mr Rochester is brilliant, temperamental, flawed and at times a little annoying (I screamed at the book when I found out about Bertha), and I absolutely loved the romance between the two - but I'd prefer not to wax poetic about him. He's the tool that allows Jane to achieve her dreams of liberty from the constraints of Victorian society, not only as a working class member but as a female. She removes herself from him, proving that she is the one with the power after all, and at last returns to him when all illusions of power play between male and female are dropped; he has lost his status as master, and she in turn is a wealthy heiress who proves to herself that freedom isn't necessarily solitude or independence. They come together as equals, and thus childhood Jane achieves her unseemly desires.

I am currently rereading this novel, and for once I am not flipping hurriedly to turn the pages and move onto the next book. No, I am content with rereading this novel to my heart's content, as I know that this certainly won't be the last time I reread Jane Eyre.

First read: 30 August - 3 September 2015

Second read: 19 - 23 January 2016

View all my reviews

Charlotte Bronte: A Life by Claire Harman

Charlotte Brontë: A Life by Claire Harman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This was my first foray into the world of biographical non-fiction. As a general rule I dislike anything that isn't fiction; but, after coming down from my Jane Eyre high, I found myself with a desire to learn more about the author of my favourite book. Sure, I understood the novel from a literary critical perspective, but I wanted to know what it was that influenced Charlotte Bronte to write it. And I found out many surprising things about the novel through this biography.

It wasn't as dry as I expected; I admit to harbouring the assumption that biographies were much like history books, with the date and the event written in simple, stark format. The composition was surprising, with this in mind. It was entertaining, at times sad; it never plodded along, save for the beginning (I was wondering why I was reading about her father when I had no interest in him - it made sense to me later). I was completely sucked in - I was told so many times over the course of reading this to put the book down and join the outside world for a while! The author handled her subject's character with grace and a clear respect for Miss Bronte; even I, with little previous knowledge, quickly became aware how easy it would be to portray Charlotte in a negative light, because certainly some of the things she does are questionable at best, condemn-able at worst.

I cried when Emily and Anne died; I bawled when Charlotte did. Of course, I knew it was coming - I wasn't living under a rock entirely, so I knew the basic timeline of each of the sisters' lives. But it is one thing to see it written as plain fact, and quite another to see it in the evocative, emotional language utilised by Claire Harman. I also really appreciated the consideration of the circumstances of Charlotte's final illness; the research is such that, instead of projecting the general impression that she died due to weakness from pregnancy coupled with consumption, the author produces a modern explanation, with sound logic, that her death resulted due to the pregnancy-related condition referred to as hyperemesis gravidarium, famously suffered by Kate Middleton during her pregnancy with Prince George.

This was a fantastic introduction to a previously unexplored genre. I think I found my niche - author biographies it is for me. I'm definitely going to read more Claire Harman.

View all my reviews

Trigger Warning

It’s funny. You know whenever you see ‘warning – content may trigger those with etc etc’ – and you just think jeez, I’m never that person, so I’ll just go ahead? For a long time I was one of those people. You’d see it on fanfics containing suicidal characters or those suffering from depression and you just think, how could something like that affect anyone in real life? It’s just a story. Or when you’re watching something and the previews are all like ‘the following may contain adult references – trigger warning’. And you just think, again, how could something make believe incite any kind of reaction in the viewer? It isn’t real.

For a long time, I had denied the truth of what was happening to me. I’d spend a lot of time in my room, in the dark, alone; I’d binge eat and cry in the shower or after everyone had gone to sleep, when no one was there to hear it. I lost my motivation; my grades were dropping, I didn’t care. I lost the motivation to do the things I love. I had no energy to speak with or see my friends outside of school because pasting on the smile everyday was so exhausting, and I was just tired. And I slept a lot. I just felt so negative, and sad, and more than anything I hated myself.

Long story short, I confessed to my parents how I felt – pretty much a big breakdown and I remember saying over and over I just don’t feel good inside anymore I’m sorry and just crying and crying because I was relieved and scared to finally get it off my chest. I went to therapy, and I got medication, and for a while it was good.

The meds weren’t good enough. They were doubled. I think I was expecting some kind of miracle cure, to make all the bad go away. But it didn’t. The first time I self-harmed was actually when I was on the meds; I took a razor to my knee, where nobody would see because I didn’t wear short clothing on my lower half.

The second time was after an argument with my dad. Everything I had worked for with the psychologist, to build some confidence and assert myself, was undone when he put me in my place like he used to. And when he left, and I was alone, I took the razor to my hip, right in the spot where my waistband sat so every time I moved, every time I breathed I would feel it.

The third time is what is relevant here though. This’ll sound stupid. It sounds dumb even to me. But I watched ‘If I Stay’ on Netflix and it was just brutal. And I cried for about two hours after the movie before taking the razor to the same spot I did last time. And something like that normally wouldn’t set me off, and it was just bizarre that this occasion did. And the whole trigger thing came to mind, and I felt myself apologising for all those times I looked upon those words or heard them in scorn. How could something make believe cause a damaging reaction to someone in the real world?

The other night I was watching that episode of American Horror Story when Violet Harmon tries to commit suicide; she downs those pills and almost succeeds. And then I thought how easy it would for me to succeed – I could just swallow down the packets of painkillers in the house we have for mum’s hip. Or I could just slip outside and get into the pool, put the pool cover over my head and seal myself in. Would they find me? Would they realise I was gone? Who would go outside to check?

Now I know how important this trigger warning really is to people with damaging states of mind. I wish that the entertainment industry was more liberal in assigning these warnings – society is so concerned with glorifying the ugly things like mental illness that they don’t stop to think about what seeing something like that on screen does to someone who has been there, or is thinking about going there. It disgusts me that mental illness is used as a plot device as a lazy means of developing character, at the expense of the mental well being of some viewers. It needs to stop being skated over, or euphemised as ‘adult’ (which could mean anything really). Don’t be afraid to show how much something could really have the potential to affect someone. It may just mean the difference between life and death.

I know where I'm headed...

After a lot of self-reflection, I've realised that I'm not totally incapable of making decisions for myself. I've always believed my main drive was to please others, and that I built my entire life around doing so. Turns out it isn't necessarily the case. An earlier post shows me as being uncertain about what my motivations behind choosing a career in medicine really were; now I feel I can confidently state that I am doing this for myself.

The more I think about it, the more I envision myself working in the medical environment and enjoying it, despite what I'm sure is a chaotic and stressful environment. I enjoy challenges, so it'll keep my mind going, which is good because I thrive on constant learning; I get bored when situations go stale. Anyway, I realised throughout my whole study period the past few years, not once was the picture in my head, driving me down the path I was going, my parents or my friends or anyone else but me. I wasn't looking for glory or praise or approval. It was just me. Quite happily working in an environment where I'd regularly get to explore the fascinatingly unpredictable nature of the human body.

I've been so caught up in self-doubt about my own desires that I never really considered that I was doing something for myself all along. I guess I finally figured it out.

I'm now absolutely sure I'm not choosing this path for anyone but me. I think a job where I get to help others will help me get a bit of perspective. Sort it out, I guess. If it doesn't happen for me, I have options. But still. I'm back - and I'm ready to tackle the challenge of a career in medicine if it'll have me.

Changed my mind again...

Just as soon as I write to say I'm into historical fiction, I felt myself slipping out of it. After Margaret George's novel I couldn't bring myself to continue with Philippa Gregory's Cousin's War series, the next on my list. I waited a couple days for the urge to hit me; nope. I moved onto another genre instead.

I'm once more back into YA novels. OMG. I never thought I'd be able to read them again, 'cause I went through a long period where I couldn't tolerate the cliches found in pretty much every YA book; you know, the love triangle, the ridiculously perfect (or ridiculously flawed) hot guy, the Mary-Sue girl, etc. But I picked up An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir; I read it in three days, after being highly skeptical for the first 50-odd pages. I honestly really really really enjoyed it, and I'm super bummed that the sequel isn't out yet, because I really want to know what happens to everyone. Elias was my favourite character to read about, which was strange because I usually prefer the female character in multi-persona books. But he was so fun to read about, and Laia was really good to read for character development. Elias, though - his chapters were what made me stick around, and I would be flipping pages through Laia's chapters sometimes to see what happened next. Laia got really interesting towards the end though, so hopefully she'll be more of a proactive character for the rest of the series. I really loved the world in this book; at first, all the made-up places and culture baffled me and my brain went into information overload mode, but I got the hang of it. I'm so used to reading stuff about countries and cultures I already know (*hides in shame*). I'm sorta glad it didn't appear to be set in our future; I've read so many good novels, but not great novels, that have sorta tried to emulate the Hunger Games and it just got a bit boring after a while. The historical aspect, the Roman cultural references, were really cool, and a nice way to wean myself off the heavy historical stuff. I'm pretty much done with heavy reading for now, I think. That last book gave me a bit of a headache. But yeah, this book was a really good introduction to this world and the characters, and the ending answered just enough questions to make me somewhat satisfied that I can wait until the next one, without spoiling it all (which shits me because I really wanted to know who Cook was and who the Lioness was betrayed by!!!). Totally recommended.

One of my all time favourite YA series is the Throne of Glass series - for anyone who loves this series, it might shock you to know I haven't read Queen of Shadows yet. The book came out in September, and around that time I was gung-ho classic girl - I had no inclination to read YA novels. I really regret not getting it as soon as it came out, because now I'm stuck waiting for my order from Book Depository to arrive. I'm really antsy to know what happens, and the rating on Goodreads just blows my mind; 4.7 stars! The book is, by all accounts, so good and I don't have it! Damn. 

But what I love about this series is that it only gets better, not worse. I've had a couple bad experiences with series that started good but turned to shit (we all know which one I'm talking about). The first book was pretty good - nothing incredibly special, but still interesting enough to get me to read the next one. And boy, am I glad I did. Celaena is the most bad-ass heroine ever, and I totally love her character! She sorta pissed me off in the first one with her sparkly-dress fetish, but you get over that once you've embraced the pure awesomeness that is Celaena. But the second book - that was the clincher for me. That was what got me really into it. That ending fucked me up big time, like nothing else. I was in a total book-coma after finishing that, and I immediately moved onto the next one (I waited a while before reading the second one because I knew from the reviews that the ending was fucked - lucky). The third one was the best by far. I really enjoyed all the new characters, like Rowan and Manon (yes Manon!!) and I really loved there was no romance in it. It was nice to have a break from that, and it was definitely nice to see Celaena decide there were more important things than mooning over her lover. I'm super excited to see what is in store for the next book. but first I have to wait. Urghhh. I hate waiting. And I love that cover - I want it on my shelf so bad!!! It's so beautiful. 

I haven't really got anything else to say - I've really only just got back into the swing of YA. My next update should have more. After all, I still have the Falling Kingdoms series by Morgan Rhodes and the Remnant Chronicles by Mary E. Pearson to get through. Or maybe I'll decide I like non-fiction. I don't know.

Thanks for reading!

Mary Queen of Scotland and the Isles by Margaret George

Rating: ★★★★★

This is the story of Mary Queen of Scotland, the ill-fated ruler of the wild and savage land north of England, the reigning power on the island. It's a frightfully long book, and it covers all of her life, from her birth and the circumstances surrounding it to her death in 1587.

Mary is born in a time when Scottish independence is not secured, in a land fighting for freedom from English invasion. Henry VIII tries to claim her country for his own; she is crowned Queen at only six days old, after her father dies defending the country. She spends her childhood moved around Scotland in order to hide from English troops attempting to capture her and bring her back to England to marry Edward Tudor, the King's son. Eventually she is sent to France, to marry the young French prince Francois.

The novel itself takes readers from her time as beloved princess of the French court, to her short reign as Queen of France, and her return to Scotland. It portrays the political and sexual environment she was forced into, and rehashes over the controversies with her second and third husbands, the Lords Darnley and Bothwell respectively. We are taken on Mary's journey from revered to reviled, to her imprisonment and forced abdication to her baby son James, the future King of England, and her escape and fleeing to England, where she is held by her cousin Elizabeth I for nearly twenty years before finally being executed.

This novel was shockingly brilliant, and haunting. The scope of it takes readers on an emotional journey, and we watch closely as Mary grows to realise that she cannot see the world around her through a child's eyes. We watch as she makes good decisions, criticise her when she makes bad ones (and she makes so many bad ones!!!), and cry when, at the end, we are forced to look on as she comes to terms with her impending death.

Mary's characterisation was a big win for me. Plaidy tended to make her seem too stupid and simplistic; while Mary was certainly naive, there was no reason to  believe she was dumb. She was an incompetent ruler, but a good woman. George highlighted the complexity of her character. When it was over, I mourned. Mourned. As in, full-on crying for fifteen minutes mourn.

This is an epic read for anyone who loves historical fiction and is game enough to work through a lengthy novel of nearly nine hundred pages.

Royal Road to Fotheringhay by Jean Plaidy

Rating: ★★★★☆

"Ever since I was a child I had this morbid fascination with this time period. In particular, Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots. She was my introduction to the world of Renaissance intrigue, passion and politics. I couldn't exactly say that I related to her - but her story affected me profoundly, to the point that today she is still my favourite history lesson.

Jean Plaidy has become a recent love of mine. I've read few of her books; I started with The Lady in the Tower with Anne Boleyn as the main character. After reading Philippa Gregory's attempt at capturing the Boleyn charm, I definitely found it lacking in comparison to Plaidy's - her interpretation of Anne was weak and somewhat two-dimensional, even outdated. But Plaidy's take on her, portraying her more sympathetically, was far more believable, and it quite honestly made me cry. So I knew I had to look it up and see if she had written anything on Mary Stuart.

The novel itself covers the major events in her early life; from her journey to France and indulging in the rich lifestyle of the sophisticated French courts, marrying the sickly Dauphin and becoming Queen, only to have him die - to returning to Scotland, marrying the awful Darnley, having her son, the intrigue with Bothwell and the Darnley murder plot, to finally being captured and imprisoned by the Scottish nobility.

I was impressed by the novel, and I am deeply surprised that there are so many negative reviews of this book; it is an excellent retelling of the early life of the Queen of Scots, and is quite clearly based on the author's interpretation of the facts, shown through the research done on the subject matter. I am inclined to think Mary was a good woman, if a weak and ineffectual leader, dominated by men who would later cause her downfall. I appreciated the fact that Plaidy didn't attempt to vilify either the Protestants or the Catholics too much (in my eyes, anyway).

I hands-down loved this novel, and I'm looking forward to reading the next one. I know I'll have to read Margaret George's version, but, even if it's just for a while, this book will remain close to my heart as a fond remembrance of my early childhood discoveries."

This was my review on Goodreads; after some reflection, and a means of comparison, I have to say that this is an easy introduction to the life of Mary Queen of Scots. If you're looking for a simple way to edge into her world, I'd start with this one. The language is uncomplicated, and the story flows fairly well. I admittedly now have a slight issue with the way she is presented in the novel. She comes off as weak and somewhat stupid, always ready to relinquish control to the men in her life. There's some inconsistencies with her character too, with her displaying strength one minute and doing a complete one-eighty the next. But other than that it is really quite a good novel.  I'd recommend this over Margaret George's rendition, as it is much less daunting and far easier to get through.

General update.

Hi! I know it's been a hell of a while since I last posted anything here... I've been pretty busy lately. I had my end-of-year exams to complete my school year; it was pretty brutal, but I got through it and I'm now an unemployed bum, ha ha. I haven't got the results back, won't till December, so I've basically got to wait around till then.

Lately I've been taking care of my mum. She had a hip replacement due to ongoing degeneration of the joint site, basically leaving no joint left. As a result of her surgery, a complication has come up, known as drop foot. Basically, this is when the nerves are damaged or in shock in the foot, and they don't transmit messages to and/or from the brain, meaning the patient is unable to lift their foot up. The doctors believe it happened because she elected to have an epidural to undergo surgery; the needle may have accidentally made contact with the nerves running into the left side of the leg. They reckon the nerves are shocked because they did an MRI and nothing turned up; pretty much, mum has to wait until the numbness in her foot goes away and she can stand properly, without a brace or a walking frame. Her new hip is doing just fine though.

To be honest, I'm a little pissed off. Now that I'm at home and out of school - and I don't have the means of finding a job - I'm basically her full-time carer. She doesn't deal well with losing her independence, so she's spent the last week basically taking out her situation on me. And I have to do basically all the chores around the house; if it were just me and mum it would be fine, but I've seen my dad and my brother sitting on the couch watching me do jobs while they do nothing. Its like, now I'm home I suddenly have to do everything - take care of mum and do all the work. It kinda pisses me off. Even on the weekends I have to do all the work. Like, would it really kill dad to help mum then so I can have a break? Right now, she's driving me crazy. He's shown no interest in her since she got home, and to top it off my brother has continued to be a little shit around her, despite clearly being told to shut the fuck up around her.

I had a bit of a depression relapse the other week. That explains my last post. Me and dad had a fight; I was in the right, but I went right back to how I used to be - weak and useless - and backed down. It put me in a head space I really didn't want to go back into, and in a fit of manic sadness I took my razor and I cut all down my hip, from my waist to the top of my thighs. There was a lot of blood, and it kinda freaked me out. But I've talked it out with my psych, and I'm moving on from it. I still haven't told mum and dad the extent of my issues, because I feel like they just don't care. What's the point in wasting breath on something when I won't get jack shit in return?

Anyway, that's the heavy stuff down. As to the happier stuff - I've sorta moved on from classic novels for now. I lost interest while trying to read Sense and Sensibility again (why did I try???), and I was also watching my show which served to distract me even further from the classics. I've been watching The Tudors lately; not accurate, I know, sensationalist, I know, but exciting, I know. I just really love this series; I cried when Natalie Dormer's Anne Boleyn died. I've started watching season 3, but I'm finding it hard to move on after Anne, she was what made the show really. I'm really trying to like Jane Seymour, but she' so... boring. Too nice. I also binge-watched Showtime's series The Borgias - I was so angry when I found out they never finished the series! I mean, come on! Another ten episodes. Been sorta watching Reign, but I'm finding it hard to get past the blatant lack of respect for the historical narrative. That and the actress who plays Mary - I love her, I think she's brilliant, but Mary is supposed to be pale and have dark red hair. I can't get past it - finicky, but Mary Queen of Scots was the first ever historical figure that fascinated me.

Anyway, I got off track. I'm now reading historical fiction. Yep, history is taking over my life at the moment. I've always sort of been a Tudor history buff, but I'm really trying to expand my learning now. So far, I've read some novels on the Wars of the Roses, and I read Margaret George's Mary Queen of Scotland and the Isles and Jean Plaidy's Royal Road to Fotheringhay. I really enjoyed Plaidy's interpretation of Mary Queen of Scots, but I definitely now prefer Margaret George. I cried for fifteen minutes after finishing her novel, and it was massive - I really went on a journey there, and I felt this profound loss once it was over.

I'm going to be posting some reviews soon on the books I've read so far. Whether they'll be on here, on my Goodreads, or both, I don't know. Maybe I'll do a mix. Does anyone have any recommendations for historical television shows or movies you really enjoyed? How about historical fiction? I'd be really interested to get into them.

Thanks for reading!