After a lot of self-reflection, I've realised that I'm not totally incapable of making decisions for myself. I've always believed my main drive was to please others, and that I built my entire life around doing so. Turns out it isn't necessarily the case. An earlier post shows me as being uncertain about what my motivations behind choosing a career in medicine really were; now I feel I can confidently state that I am doing this for myself.
The more I think about it, the more I envision myself working in the medical environment and enjoying it, despite what I'm sure is a chaotic and stressful environment. I enjoy challenges, so it'll keep my mind going, which is good because I thrive on constant learning; I get bored when situations go stale. Anyway, I realised throughout my whole study period the past few years, not once was the picture in my head, driving me down the path I was going, my parents or my friends or anyone else but me. I wasn't looking for glory or praise or approval. It was just me. Quite happily working in an environment where I'd regularly get to explore the fascinatingly unpredictable nature of the human body.
I've been so caught up in self-doubt about my own desires that I never really considered that I was doing something for myself all along. I guess I finally figured it out.
I'm now absolutely sure I'm not choosing this path for anyone but me. I think a job where I get to help others will help me get a bit of perspective. Sort it out, I guess. If it doesn't happen for me, I have options. But still. I'm back - and I'm ready to tackle the challenge of a career in medicine if it'll have me.
No comments:
Post a Comment